Creeeeeeeeeepy!

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Phillippines around the year 775. Your profession was that of a writer, dramatist or organiser of rituals.

---

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Ruthless character, carefully weighing his decisions in critical situations, with excellent self-control and strong will. Such people are generally liked, but not always loved.

---

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to combat violence and disharmony in our world, to understand its roots and origins. All global problems have similar origins.

---

Do you remember now?

Not....really......I would be worried if I did!
And thanking you to Al for that um.....interesting link!

Corinna Fugate- wow!

This girl is amazing!
Seriously hidden talent, she writes about self injury- but her songs transport you to another dimension if you close your eyes and give them a chance.....seriously good!

"Cold"
How can you know what I'm feeling. When it's locked inside.
To wear it on my body, tells what words cannot describe.
A thin red line tells you where the blade has been
So many secrets hiding beneath my skin.

And it's cold
Cold
Out of control.

Locked in the bathroom stall
Leaning against the wall
I know they're all waiting for me
So I'll be as quick as I can be
I see the red but feel no pain
Feels like I'm floating, floating away
And it seems I've become my own prey.

No pain, no gain, no sane
Not today, ice cube cold in hand
To numb this pain

And it's cold
Cold
Out of control

The bus.....

I didn't sleep very well last night, I thought I was gonna barf for most of it. I'm sure it was that Costa sandwich. I only ate it because I was so bloody hungry after my bus ordeal! Here's the story:
So I decided to go into town to take my books back to the library. I always take the bus because I refuse to drive, I'm dyspraxic and I wouldn't trust myself behind the wheel! When the bus stopped abruptly at the bus stop, I waited until the other people got off before I got on. Only to be greeted with "Hurry the fuck up I'm ten minutes late!" So I jumped on, startled, and I paid my money. She sped off before I had sat down and I went flying into a poor unsuspecting pensioner, I couldn't apologise enough. At the next stop there was a gaggle of single mums with their babies all in push chairs. As they got on, manoevering the buggies into place, she did the same to them and one of the buggies was dislodged and flew down the bs, smashing into the windscreen. The baby was ok but we all realised that this driver was behaving less than innapropriately. One of the girls decided to call the customer complaint line and while she was on the phone, this driver started up verbal abuse towards everyone else on the bus. "I don't give a fuck, I've quit my job anyway, the british public are all cunts!" At this point one lady demanded the bus be stopped and she dragged her young child off to protect her from the obscenities coming from this womans mouth.
Finally we reached town and I was going to stay on the bus to the library but thought it rational to get off with the others in town. As the girl whose baby had been thrown down the bus got off, she gently reminded the driver that she would be complaining and this would be settled one way or another. Then this crazy lady leaps over her driving booth towards the girl yelling "come on then, let's settle it now, go on hot me, hit me, hit me!"
She stopped when I mentioned clling the police, she put the bus into "out of service" and drove off.
We all had to wait for an hour in the cold for the police to turn up, it was crazy! And I didn't even get to take my library books back!!
What a day!!

Its all gone.

It's all turned a bit shit in some ways, but in others, it's got better. Only 20 days till i go to London and everything will be evaded for all of 4 days, then back to life, back to shit and back to lies. It's all lies, everything. The fact that I have got better is a lie, I'm worse than ever, the fact that my parents are sorting things "amicably" is lies, they're just using me! Work is all lies, how one minute I am getting a management job, next minute I'm not.
Last night, Abi, Gemma and I decided that our next trip to London wasn't gonna be self indulgent and just a waste of money, we wanted to do something worthwhile. The outcome was a sponsored event entitled "8 shows, 180 autographs". We're basically gonna get people to sponsor us to watch 8 shows in 4 days and get 180 autographs from the casts, then auction the items either online or at a special event. We all think it's gonna be a success. The next issue we had was which charity to give to. We settled on giving half to Cancer Research and half to the ward on which Gemma's dad was on before he died. So we have 3 weeks to plan and iron everything out.
yeeehaaa! Good luck to meeee!

Too much time on my hands.

Michigan reminded me of Al today. Al Silber, Al from Woman in White, Al from Fiddler.
I feel bad. She wasn't here, and I was.
It's her home, not mine. Although now I feel that Michigan is more my home than Scotland is. Michigan is where my heart is and Scotland is where my "home" is. It's not a home, it's a house.
I thought alot about Al today. Just as I was doing things, normal things, it kinda freaked me out to be honest. There are a couple of her quotes which inspired me and I would like to share them with you. I hope she doesn't mind me posting them here, obviously all content is copyrighted to Alexandra Silber.

"The Sculptor"
The sculptor can see that somewhere deep within a slab of marble, lies an incredible work of art. The sculptor is the only one who can see it, recognise it, bring it out, reveal it to the rest of us".

Ellie's choice words!

Took a stroll through the park with Ellie in her pram, yelling at the pigeons and quacking at the ducks. It was lovely, it was such a nice day here today, fab actually for this time of year. I love Autumn or "Fall" as the yanks call it, I've totally been yankified in recent months! But Autumn is amazing, you can smell the change in the air and feel the winter slowly creeping in. Ellie loves it too, she love getting on her proper coat and picking out which shoes to wear.
So we're walking through the park and an old lady is being taken for a walk by her scruffy dog who looked kind of like a beagle, some kind of hound anyway and Ellie yells "Look , a wee dog", so we go over, we talk, she says hiya to the dog then he got a bit excited and starts licking her and pawing her and being quite "innapropriate" as the yanks would yet again say! So of all things to say, Ellie yells at the top of her lungs "fuck off!"
I just about DIED! She's one ! Obviously instinct told me to yell back at her "NAUGHTY!" So I did. She apologised and said she wouldnt say naughty words but it really did make me wanna giggle!
She makes me smile, the things she says, like she'll come onto the sofa and cuddle me then say "take your shirt off" so random but so cute!
We spend much of the day loading Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore and Tigger into a shopping trolley, then unloading them, then loading them again. Hours of entertainment with three toys and a plastic trolley, or cart (yankish).
She's officially adorable!

Rain.

My baby I love her so much!

It's raining outside again, I know it's not unusual for Scotland but for once, it sounds so pretty. There is this huge harvest moon and it's orange. With a small wisp of cloud straying over it. It actually reminds me of A Midsummer Night's Dream or Romeo and Juliet.
The Street lights are out around here this week so the moon lights the raindrops and they look like sparkles. I can't believe how long I have been gazing out my window, the neighbours are going to think I'm even weirder than I appear, but they do like to watch through their windows at the same time each night when I rehearse my singing pieces! Don't quite know what they think I'm doing but it seems interesting all the same!
Only 5 weeks till London. Now I'm not at uni the time seems to go so slow. I sat alone in the restaurant for 3 hours today, I watched Deal or No Deal and Neighbours and loads more mindless garbage but the time sailed by.
Yet again I sit alone on this god damn laptop, with nothing to do. Why didn't I go to uni?
The questions are all in my brain but something said no, I couldn't do it.
I miss my Michigan family, they called the other night and it was awful saying goodbye.