Its all gone.

It's all turned a bit shit in some ways, but in others, it's got better. Only 20 days till i go to London and everything will be evaded for all of 4 days, then back to life, back to shit and back to lies. It's all lies, everything. The fact that I have got better is a lie, I'm worse than ever, the fact that my parents are sorting things "amicably" is lies, they're just using me! Work is all lies, how one minute I am getting a management job, next minute I'm not.
Last night, Abi, Gemma and I decided that our next trip to London wasn't gonna be self indulgent and just a waste of money, we wanted to do something worthwhile. The outcome was a sponsored event entitled "8 shows, 180 autographs". We're basically gonna get people to sponsor us to watch 8 shows in 4 days and get 180 autographs from the casts, then auction the items either online or at a special event. We all think it's gonna be a success. The next issue we had was which charity to give to. We settled on giving half to Cancer Research and half to the ward on which Gemma's dad was on before he died. So we have 3 weeks to plan and iron everything out.
yeeehaaa! Good luck to meeee!

Rain.

My baby I love her so much!

It's raining outside again, I know it's not unusual for Scotland but for once, it sounds so pretty. There is this huge harvest moon and it's orange. With a small wisp of cloud straying over it. It actually reminds me of A Midsummer Night's Dream or Romeo and Juliet.
The Street lights are out around here this week so the moon lights the raindrops and they look like sparkles. I can't believe how long I have been gazing out my window, the neighbours are going to think I'm even weirder than I appear, but they do like to watch through their windows at the same time each night when I rehearse my singing pieces! Don't quite know what they think I'm doing but it seems interesting all the same!
Only 5 weeks till London. Now I'm not at uni the time seems to go so slow. I sat alone in the restaurant for 3 hours today, I watched Deal or No Deal and Neighbours and loads more mindless garbage but the time sailed by.
Yet again I sit alone on this god damn laptop, with nothing to do. Why didn't I go to uni?
The questions are all in my brain but something said no, I couldn't do it.
I miss my Michigan family, they called the other night and it was awful saying goodbye.